Parenting or lack thereof….

My clients teach me a great deal about life and parenting. I have one young lady that plainly told me “its best my parents just spilt up because they quarrel too much”. Then I have another child telling me she is soo sad because “daddy doesn’t live at home anymore”.

The notion of the nuclear family is changing rapidly. The “normal”, “nuclear” family is almost non existent in today’s society.What I am finding the most, is that the daddy’s are missing in action. Firstly a good portion of fathers are not with the child mother when they child mother brings the child to see me, and even if the fathers are in the household they are too busy with work and other women to take the time that is needed for their children.

Beside the issue of the larger portion of fathers being a waste of time in terms of parenting because of different and diverse issues, there is the problem of basic parenting. Firstly the times have changed so no longer does society or the community take the time to discipline a child. There is a saying it takes a village to raise a child and in the times before the village used to take a valid interest in their children and take the time to correct them and raise them properly. But capitalism stepped in. Let me tell you capitalism is more than an economic phenomenon it is a world wide trend of a change of life. Society now only cares about itself. The village no longer cares about the next door neighbor’s child.

Ok back to my point on parenting. Times have changed and one of the problems is that parents go to different extreme with their kids. One extreme is to go to “well in my time” it was this way so you will have to do it this way. The youth of today will deliberately do it the opposite way because you just said back in your time!!! Young people will automatically rebel when we tie the ropes too tight when it comes to discipline and parenting. But then there is the other extreme of letting the child do as he/she pleases. Children need structure both parents cannot be working and leave the child at home unsupervised for a long period of time!!!!

In order to discipline children they need to have rules, guidelines and structure. Therefore leaving a 6 year old at home alone after school for 2 hours spells of disaster when that child hits 13 or 14. The cute 7 year old that throws tantrums and will ” grow out of the phase” spells disaster because chances are the tantrums will get progressively worse. Dressing a 8 year old in halter tops and short skirts is cute but when she reached 12 or 13 that will spell disaster…
Letting the child do what he/she likes with no consequence for action spells DISASTER!!!!

Therefore it is not the responsibility of the counsellor or psychologist to “fix” the child. Parents need to start taking responsibility. Fathers needs to have a input into their children’s lives. Mothers cannot do everything! When fathers and mothers fight, argue and are at wits ends with each other no one else suffers but the child. The child can manipulate the situation and play one parents against the other to get what he/she wants or they can be sad and frustrated with the situation. Whatever the child chooses to do is an equally destructive path. I remember calling one father to come in to speak with me because the child cries and becomes very sad when she misses her father. You know what that man said that he has NO TIME!!! What kind of fathers we have out there that has no time for their CHILDREN!!!! The child is quite distraught when the father makes promises that he cannot keep. The disappointment the child feels when the father calls to say I coming in 5 mins and it takes him 5 hours, 15 beers and some time by the other woman first!!

Its time for parents and society to be more responsible. Children cannot parent themselves, they need love, support and GUIDANCE. Its time for parents to step up to the plate and start working to save our youths.

Jenna Samaroo


  1. says

    I see you blog coming on well, I seeing the effort for sure keep up the good work.

    As a future father I would like to say I’m taking my job seriously!!

    Generally though I like the way the post shows how what’s important to us have changed significantly.
    I like the idea of it take a village to raise a child. I believe in that even a Spartan, that’s important.

    I personally believe that community activities and sports esp is a good catalyst for better parenting. From Boy Scouts to girl guides to basketball teams can help to groom future fathers and show present parents how much influence they can have. We all seen those stories where a coach starts out at nothing and build champions of our children. Lots of lessons learnt under good coaches.

    We should start to see families similarly, and watch them build champions. Then maybe more father will see they have an important role as part of the family team.

    Great post again – Keep up the good work Jenna!

  2. Richard says


    My opinion on this is quite different. Or maybe unconventional.

    The way I see it, there will always be “good” parents and “bad” parents. And asking or demanding the “bad” parents to become better parents – is the same as asking ugly people to become beautiful.

    I can ask ugly people to look beautiful. But I wouldn’t set my hopes high on it.

    Again, this is just how I see it…

    Some people are ugly. And some people are poor parents. It’s just a fact of life.

  3. says


    I’m one to put much of my trust into people and believe in them to become better. Maybe sometimes too much so.
    Generally speaking we have people who might be A Students at parenting B students at parenting and C students at parenting.
    Usually about 70% of the population might fit into B. Usually by doing the little thing we can move some B class people A Class and that impact is significant.
    As for C class we can just forget about them and leave those cases to be dealt with in other ways.

    I think parenting skills can be learnt just as a teacher can learn to teach. It really just comes down to how much effort and attention individuals, and groups put into this.

    Humans can do much more that we usually give them credit for.

    I don’t want to paint a rosy picture, because changing into a better “parenting society” It might be a painful messy process, but it can be done.

  4. says

    I think everyone has their own opinions on parenting etc. I just expressed mine it’s not about agreeing or disagreeing althought I see each of your points. Some people are just bad parents as richard said, and as corey said some can be taught parenting skills in order to make them more competent. So everyone has a little to add to the stew :o)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>